Have you ever heard the saying “It’s best to keep your fights clean and your sex dirty”? Well it might be a naughty saying (wink wink) but there is a wisdom in there.
Couples are bound to fight, it’s what happens when two sinful, selfish, ” me-centric” people (you’re kidding yourself if you don’t think you’re any of those things) occupy as much time and space as a married couple does.
Fighting may be a rare occasion for some, or it can be a daily struggle for others. That being said it’s paramount to guard the precious heart of your spouse by keeping your disagreements “above the belt” so to speak.
The old adage “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” is the biggest load of crap (pardon my French) I’ve heard. Names do hurt! They can leave deep scars that easily reopen, fester and can grow to infections that could be fatal if left unchecked.
Ladies, God calls us to wisdom in our responses, and clearly maps out which response will bring which outcome in Proverbs 15 : 1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” ESV
Obviously there’s something to learn here, STOP, think and respond softly!
Proverbs 31 isn’t kidding around, it’s clearly mapped out what being a women after God’s heart looks like. Let’s review for a moment several verses from Proverbs 31
Verse 11- “The heart of her husband trusts her”. Can your husband trust you with your WORDS and actions? Will you honor him even in your anger?
Verse 12- “She does him good, and not harm.” This includes those moments you’d like to throw a remote at his head (I’ve felt that urge, trust me) but instead we need to STOP, think and respond softly!
Verse 26- “She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” This really calls all those harmful desires out for what are they…harmful.
These teachings are meant to take God’s desires to heart as they are for our good. These practices aren’t going to stir up wrath, create mistrust or harm for your spouse are they? No they won’t! They will however, breed deep trust, calm anger and do good to and for him. This, in turn will do wonders for how he treats you. Trust me. Try to “Stop, think and respond softly” for 1 month…..just 30 days consistently.
Stop before you say something harmful to his heart, something that will destroy his trust in you.
Think (pray for wisdom) about how you should proceed with the conversation or if you can’t do that calmly….press the pause button and promise to go back to it once you’ve calmed down. However, YOU must go back to it and within a day preferably.
Respond Softly….this can be in your tone, your intention and your heart. Soften your heart toward your husband…..a hardened heart is very difficult to direct so if you find yourself there….begin praying daily that God’s hand will give you a softened heart toward your spouse. Seek God’s heart for you spouse.
Listen sisters if you call yourself a Christian and you know the sacrifice Christ made for you that day on the cross then we are called to love one another, and marriage is our earthly example of God’s covenant promise to his church. How we treat our spouses can either bless God’s heart of grieve Him. If belittling and name calling is your default setting when arguing with your husband, then seek Christ’s heart and desire for your actions. Reach out to someone and allow yourself the wisdom of a more seasoned, trustworthy, women of God to speak into your life . It may take time to get used to this new way of getting through your anger, but you will soon see a different him because of the difference in you.
With love, <3